Five possible new directions for Viva Brother / LoveLife
As you're reading this site I am going to assume you have more than a passing interest in music. This means that you won't have missed the news that former Viva Brother (nee Brother) frontman Lee Newell has relaunched himself as a sort of Hurts / Jedward clone under the moniker of LoveLife. I think we can all be pretty confident that this new direction won't last long, so let's look at five possible options for his next venture:
1. Join Young Money
You can't move for artists recording under Lil Wayne's record label at the moment. You worldwide want success, this is the stable to get involved with. Another image change is going to be needed. Tattoos are the obvious choice starting point. Get those arms inked sharpish. Next up is teeth. It's all very well sporty a wonderful set of pearly white, but what you really need is a gold tooth sitting proudly at the front. I'm sure any back street dentist can sort you out one for a very good price. Buttock implants probably wouldn't go amiss either.
- Possible Band Names: L$$. Lil' Lee just seems a bit obvious.
- Essential Clothing/Accessories: Gold tooth, vest, burberry pyjama bottoms, bling. Lots of bling.
- Estimated Band survival time: Until Lil' Wayne realises who this really is and pulls a gun on him.
2. Collaborate with Skrillex
Can you imagine the press? Okay, so it won't all be positive, but all publicity is good publicity right? The two most hated men in music together at last! Forget Lunice and Hudson Mohawke's TNGHT project. This will blow it out of the water. You're halfway there with your new website being call LVLF. That's not quite right for this collab though. How about SHT.
- Possible Band Names: SHT. FCKFF. THSFRSHHLL
- Essential Clothing/Accessories: A Macbook, or at least a Dell with an Apple sticker. One of those ear things that the kids like these days too.
- Estimated Band survival time: If you're still going by the time you've read this, I'll be impressed.
3. The Hologram Route
You're going to need to be quick here. Tupac has already beaten to you in the first instance, but you can easily jump on that bandwagon before it gets boring. There is already talk of Michael Jackson and Jimi Hendrix getting the treatment, but Lee Newell can go toe to toe with them. After all, this is the man who said about his own band - "We know how amazing we are."
- Possible Band Names: Lee Newell: The Hologram Tour
- Essential Clothing/Accessories: A bloke that made Brad Pitt look all freaky in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button did the hard work for Tupac. Rope him in for the technology bits.
- Estimated Band survival time: The beauty is that this can outlive even death. Did I say beauty?
4. Reform Viva Brother
Everybody loves a reunion tour. Blur, Pulp, The Cure and many more have all done it in recent years. Don't bother waiting the usual 10-15 years. Get ahead of the game and plan the triumphant return tour now. The only real question is which festivals to headline and should you sell tickets to the Hyde Park or Royal Albert Hall gigs first?
- Possible Band Names: Viva Brother 2012
- Essential Clothing/Accessories: Anything that's at the back of your wardrobe.
- Estimated Band survival time: 1 month. Then reform for a month in 2013. The reform for a month in 2014. Repeat.
5. Become Girls
Do a straw poll to find the favourite band of all the 405ers and I'm fairly confident Girls would win out. If what you are striving for is that critical acclaim and the love of the critics, become a clone of Girls. I've gone too far haven't I…?
- Possible Band Names: Sister (do you see what I did there?)
- Essential Clothing/Accessories: Tie-dye t-shirts and flowers. Oh, and drugs. Lots of drugs.
- Estimated Band survival time: If you can pull this off right, there will be no stopping you.