Gemma Garmeson - Stalking For Dummies

Label: A to B Records Release date: Out Now Website: http://www.myspace.com/gemmagarmeson Buy: Amazon Gemma Garmeson is a performance poet. Her song writing style is heavily based on exact rhymes and sound play. This, to some extent, is refreshing; she has a nice, banjo-over the knee jolliness. Sadly though, ‘Flip Flop’ puts me in mind of a music lesson for primary children, where, forced to sit in a circle, they shout and bounce along to the catchy chorus. I hope that the image of a flowery skirted teacher, enthusiastically clapping will soon be erased by gangster rap titled, ‘Who’s the daddy?’. The humour here is interesting, and leaves me feeling let down. Garmerson can definitely sing. She has a warm, accented voice that finds an agreeable match in the acoustic guitar. But there’s something too clean about the rhyming couplets. There are no off beats, no deviations, nothing remotely off the beaten track. You get a delivery of obvious sentences, that end up more silly than satisfying. This album is a nursery rhyme. ‘I don’t want to be your number two’ acts as an exception. It has slightly more charm, and is lyrically, a tad riskier. ‘Shut up and kiss me’ is promisingly titled, and we’re defiantly getting warmer. It’s less humpty dumpty set to music, and more heartfelt originality. Though the odd line, that slight injection of playground humour, steals a lot of the magic for me. I really wish the spark in the titles carried through into the songs. ‘Stalking for dummies,’ is a bumbling waste of a good melody on the subject of txt messages. Garmeson is down and out on flair. Somewhere in there are the instructions for cancelling ringtone contracts. ‘Father’s day’ is a weak attempt at genuine, that doesn’t want to be prejudice to the piano, so includes all its keys along the way. You’ll yawn at ‘Mavis’, or slam your fist down and cry, ‘Give me something woman, anything!” A continuing occurrence, the thought that being locked in a room with this album on loop would break the toughest terrorist. ‘Paper’ is paper thin in quality. But ‘Favourite Offender’, I can report, hand over mouth, is actually pretty good, proving that when she wants to, she can write. Stop the press! Don’t listen to ‘A to B.’ She has confirmed my worst fears in a sickening rendition of ‘Dry Bones’, the original lyrics which I find on a site called ‘Lyrics and words for children’s nursery rhymes and songs.’ Save yourself. Gemma, Gemma, Gemma, I can spot a tiny slip of potential snaking about, infrequently, briefly. And unfortunately, that’s just not going to do it.